Today's Easter. I'm pagan, however, so I don't go in for that "he is risen" stuff. First of all, it's bad grammar. But anyway! I've been off the journal for a few days now, mostly because of my company. Between Janna and The Chris, I haven't had much time to do my typical nonsense like: cleaning, writing in my journal, showering... okay... I went too far there. I have been showering and I intend to keep it up, thank you.
Let me start from the beginning. The first day Janna was here, we were all tired. She was tired from an insane bus ride of about 10 hours (which by car is about 4). I was tired from anticipation and spending the day with The Chris typically wears me out plus I was making a lasagna. Mr Dad was worn out from just being him... which is quite exhausting I should think! The second day Janna was here was tragic. She learned a valuable lesson. Never eat popcicles for breakfast, take robitussin followed by an orange and wash it down with a couple of peptos. Oh POOR JANNA! What a horrible first full day! She was sick in the bathroom all morning!
It wasn't until The Chris was driving us downtown (she was still sick but wanted her money from an old bank account down here so bad that she insisted on going out) that she expelled the last of the "poison". If he didn't keep tapping the accelerator every few yards, she may have kept whole. However, that's how he always drives and that's a good thing in this case because she felt completely better after that. I however, suffered 2 anxiety attacks, felt queasy all day and suffered one more anxiety attack when I got a notice that I have a certified letter waiting at the post office and Janna exclaims "That's what happened to me when I got sued!" Now, no matter how innocent that letter is... I think I'm being sued! Thanks Jan.
Yesterday, Kayla and Ian got their easter baskets since we see them only once a week. I gave The Chris a necklace that I made (with Janna's help) of black and copper beads with a stag pendant of black stone. I gave Janna a poem that I had written in e-mail to a couple of friends ages ago. She had requested at that time that I write it up nice and pretty and mail it to her at school, but her school mail is unreliable. So, I printed it out with a pretty font on velum paper, backed it with memory paper and gave that to her.
Poor Janna must be having a pretty "eh" time, I think, however. Yesterday, she didn't know what to do or say because I was in a really bad mood. Unaware of his faults, The Chris pushed the limit with me yesterday. You see, he was always on the computer or on his little mp3/vid/digi cam thingy (to be refered to as the "device" from here out). For the past week or so, that's been the main part of his visits. Normally, I don't mind. It's something he's really gifted at and I'm rather impressed by what he can do. But, we were all going out to play tennis with the kids and Mr Dad when The Chris decided to put bring the device with him. Now, you have to understand, his affinity with technology has been plaguing my mind for the past week or two because of something my therapist said "He lives on his computers. You'll always come second." I know that's not the case, but it still troubled me because she's been right about EVERYTHING she's ever told me.
After spending all morning working on Janna's live journal pics, him putting the device in his pocket to go play tennis so he could take tons of movies and pics was just too much for me to handle. I told him not to bring it, called him a computer geek who couldn't live without his computers. More cold and snide then I ever heard him he just kept shooting off "What-Ever!". So I refused to talk, didn't go out and have fun with my sibs, Janna and Mr Dad. I buried my head into my pillow and didn't want to do anything. He eventually apologized for replying so coldly, but sorry really has no affect on me because I hear it too much and I'm frustrated that everything's supposed to be back to perfect after that word is uttered. It doesn't work that way!
So all day I was depressed for the most part, or just filled with mild spite. I made a lot of cheap but cutting jabs at him which I really really regret. He didn't understand why I felt the way I did about his technology passion. He didn't even think he was on the comp or device that much at all and didn't believe me until Janna even told him he was. I wish he'd just believe me when I tell him something. Why does someone else have to say something for him to believe me?
Well, I apologized last night to him for being a b*tch all day, but my apologies suck because I'm really uncomfortable talking about my emotions, especially ones that show weakness in my eyes. I was really mad in general, not just him, because I feared that what my therapist said was really true and that what she also said was true, that once he finds a job, I'll be pushed aside when I need him most (which is why we broke up the last time), and that he's only with me because I'm a hobby he can participate in while he has no job or responsibilities. I always fear thats true, no matter what he says. My fears are reasonable, my therapist has never been wrong yet!
But away from my concerns! Today is easter and I have baskets to dispense!!! I went hot-air balloon chasing this morning and got some awesome pics of balloons in the sky and one landed. Janna and I are both vegetarians and we are going to have veggie fried rice and steamed veggies with tofu at a kick-butt chinese restaurant called Chen-Yeng Li. It's very classy, very pricey but oh so yummy! I am so sick of candy! lol Isn't that horrible!?! I have been making baskets for children and giving away baskets for the past 4 days and have had snips of candy everytime. And I know I'll have some today! I better keep an eye on my weight! :op